fifth day witout u...

haizZzz...
the same thing hapening..
bt i dint cry...^^
just the PAIN..
this morning woke up then think about all thoose things also...
and i think and think..
cant stop thinikng..
i control mai self nt to cry...

yesterday nite..
before i went to sleep..
mai god sis[charmaine]...she called me...[i knew it]
bcuz mai cousin told her everything..

this is our conversation::
me:em..
charmaine:hello..!!
me:yes..
charmaine:wut the hell happening to u..!!!!??
me:wut??
charmaine:y must u do that??
me:erm..haha...mayb if i do that i wont think to much leh...
charmaine:y must u use the most stupid 'fang fa' to make ur self lite that..
me:haizzz...i oredi think it many times..should i do that...
charmaine:then??just go n do other things la...
me:if i can..i wont need to choose this way now..ok..
charmaine:then go study la..haha
me:i am goona die...if i study...it will become even worse..ok??
charmaine:then juz go do other things la...
me:i told u...i had oredi tried many things..bt i still cant forget about thoose things...
charmaine:u r realli STUPID..y dun u juz go n take a knife and kill urself..!!!!!
me:ya i know i am...bt i have no choice...wut to do..hahaha^^i will if i can..
charmaine:I TELL U..if u really do that...u will die when u come bak...
me:Haiyo!!dun so 'kua zheong' can mou..i also nt wanna go die...
charmaine:if u do that..then u dun talk to me anymore..i dunno hu r u jor...
me:haiyo...PLIS la dun lite that larh..must understand mai feelings ma...i really very xin ku..
charmaine:i understand..i know u very xin ku also...bt even u r xin ku..u also have to accet all this...
me:i know i have to accept all this...thats y i need to make mai self dun wanna think thoose things..
charmaine:even if u do that jor..he will come bak meh??
me:i din'nt means that..i wan him to come bak for me..ok??i do all this is bcuz i dun wanna think about all thoose things..nt because i wan him to come bak..ok??
charmaine:ok!!then u can do other things wut..!!
me:stop repeating the same things ok..i tell u the last time..if i can...i wont suffer lite now..ok??this is just mai fourth day...i am goin to be crazy..
charmaine:haizzz..i dunno how to tell u jor la...if u do..then dun talk to me again..
me:Yo!!dun force me la...u thought i realli wan to do de meh?wo ye hen bu xiang de leh..because i no choice d larh..thats y i did mai last choice..ok??!!
charmaine:y in all the ways...u must choose the most stupid way...??!!!
me:bcuz i have oredi done all other ways..
charmaine:i dun care!!if u go do that thing..u r dead..!!!this saturday we will talk to u face by face..
me:u all wanna bash me ah??!!haha..better..i think i wont think so much after that..haha^^
charmaine:now i wanna kill u also ah...
me:haiyo!!okok..i promise la..mayb i wont do..ok??
charmaine:now u will say lite that but after this i dunno wut u would do..
me:ok lar..c how larh..i am still thinking...70% wont de la..
charmaine:know how to say then must do..!!
me:okok..larHHhhh...

then later...
xinwen called me..

me:hello
xinwen:tuesday u got go wei ling hse ma...??
me:got gua..dunno yet ler..
xinwen:just now weil ling called me..she want bak her disc..
me:ooo..ok
xinwen:how r u this days??
me:fine lor...haha..

then we chat for the same things..=.=!!
xinwen:i wan go call him...for the reason...if u dun understand go and ask him la..!!!!!
me:i dun wan...he also dun wanna reply my message d lor..i still 'fan' him for wut..??maybe he is hapi now liao...
xinwen:then u wanna continue lite that..??
me:i need time ma...juz give me some time...i dun wan him to hate me..i can feels tht he oredi hate me for now...ok??PLIS DUN CALL HIM..OK??!!
xinwen:ok if u dun wan me to call him..dun think so much ok...
me:okok..i promise u...
xinwen:i know it is very hard for u...i understand ur feel...take ur time ba..

then we chat and chat again..
I AM REPEATING THE SAME THINGS..HAIZZZzzZ..
I KNOW U ALL CARE ABOUT ME..
TQ SO MUCH..