third day witout u...[i hate maii self...so much....!!]

yesterday before i sleep...
i think of alots of things...
i cant sleep...
then suddenlly..
maii phone vibrates...

that time maii feeling was...
i really hope that it was him...
bt before i press the 'read' key i know..
99.9% it would'nt be him...
then i press the 'read' button it was my gor [ben]
he ask me sleep oredi anot...
then i chat wif him for a while...
i told him i wanna sleep d...

and for yesterdays my last message was to him [junkei]...
it was 1.34 am...
i keep thinking sholud i send this message to him...
at last i make my dessision...i will send it too him...
::Plis!dun hurt ur self lite that...dun smoke..over d de things just let it over just be happie :-)we are still frens::
after typing this message..i dint read it again...and i straight away press the 'send' key..
then oni i see bak the message...
i tell myself hope that he will reply...bt he dint...

wut i feels was..
i rather he dun love me anymore..i also dunwan him to hurt himself lite that..
i tell myself...
dun think to much...this is oredi the truth...
i have to accept everything...
even how i dun wan also i must..i have no choice..i have to false myself...
then i slept...

unfortunately..
this morning when i woke up...
i think about him again..
then the pain starts to come bak..
then suddenlly i feels that seeing all the things that from him and the things i wrote to him..
then i cried again..
how dumm i am...

then i tell mai self to be strong...
then i start thinking of other things..
but i failed again...:-(

mai dad ask me to go n dry the clothes...
then i went..
while i drying the clothes..
i think about all thoose things again..
i mind are full of thoose things...
i tell mai self again...
this is the god's choice..
we have no 'yuan fen' to be together...
maybe after this two of us will be more happie..
and i smile..

then i went up to mai room and look for mai phone..
theres a message...
before i press the 'read' key i think is it him???[i ask maiself]
then i press the'read' key..
it was him...
he said::yaya..frenz..::

after seeing this message i duno y...
i cant control mai self again...
i cried again...
how stupid i am...
I REALLI HATE MYSELF!!!